


Me

by SomeGuyFromWattpad



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Might delete this idk, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:27:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23078593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeGuyFromWattpad/pseuds/SomeGuyFromWattpad
Summary: My stories, life experiences, and some much needed venting. May or may not delete this after a while, just feel like I have things I need to get off my chest. There will be some chapters that contain some possibly triggering stuff, if so I will put a warning on it.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

So I want to explain exactly why I'm writing this before doing anything else. Recently, I've felt a desire to write some ideas I've had on my mind, after some inspiration and motivation from a friend of mine. However, before I do, there's a lot I feel like I need to get off my chest, as it's related to the things I wanna write. But first, I suppose an introduction is in order. 

My name is Joel. I'm from Sweden and have a keen interest in the stranger and questionable things in this world. I love video games, animals and especially love cats (of which I currently have two, Fenix and Freja, male and female). Cats are pretty much my spirit animal. I'm quite an insecure person, usually overthinking things that go on in my social life. I always try to be open-minded and never judge anyone for anything. There's some more stuff I could say about myself but I'd rather talk about it in private conversations. 

I have a discord if anyone wants to add me to talk about anything, Vaping Cat#1808. That's all for now. Cya.


	2. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mentions of past child-groping, I don't really know what I should call it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mentions of past child-groping, I don't really know what I should call it.

So this happened to me when I was around 8 or 9 I think. A new kid had recently moved into the neighborhood and started going to the same school as I. We started hanging out during school hours, just talking about random stuff about each other. Got to know him pretty well. I asked if I could go over to his place though they were still renovating so it was really messy. There I got to meet his parents and his younger sister. I'll call my friend John, his dad I'll just call Anthony as I don't wanna give out any real names. 

Anyways so at first I was having a really good time hanging out over there. His family was really kind and treated me well, me John spent most of our time playing Wii games (I beat him at almost all of the games we played). Anyways, after a couple of visits his dad started acting...Weird around me. Something to note is that when I was a lot younger I pretty much looked like a girl. I had long blonde hair and slim body. Sometimes when I went over his dad would, pet me, basically. He'd put his hands in my hair and comment on how beautiful and silky it was. At the time it seemed a bit weird but, I didn't ask. 

One day, when I was over there playing the some Wii with John his dad was walking around the house in just his underwear and shirt. Again, felt a bit weird and uncomfortable but, didn't ask or question it. After a while my friend excused himself to go use the bathroom. I stood up and walked towards his window, taking in the scenary outside when someone stepped inside the room. I didn't turn around or do anything. I just stood there. I suddenly felt hands go down my back and into my pants, touching me...I heard him whisper,"Is this okay?"

At that moment I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. All I did was let out a small 'mhm" sound. I was just too terrified to say no. Then he took my hand and made me touch him. I felt him through his underwear and I gasped, as I did he moved his hand and covered my mouth, shushing me. I was beyond terrified, my legs felt wobbly and I was sweating. Then he pulled his hands away and walked out. I just stood there, quiet. After a while I decided to go home. Once I did I immediately told my mom what had happened.

She hugged me and told me I was brave for telling her. Though I tried to make excuses for him, as I didn't want him to jail because of me. I felt like I'd be taking John's father away from him. I just couldn't do that to him. After a few days of discussing what to do my mom told me she'd talk to Anthony later that day. When she came home afterwords she told me he'd confessed to her what he did. He said he was sorry and that he hadn't meant to do what he did, that there was something wrong with him. He said that he was going to therapy to talk about his "problems" and, that was the end of it. My friend moved away after a while and I haven't seen him in a long time.

I still think about what happened that day, I haven't told anyone except my mom and a few close friends what happened. I still don't know entirely how to feel about it...I felt violated, but, he asked if it was okay. I still feel like I could've pushed him away or said no but...I just don't know. It doesn't hurt to think about either, didn't hurt to talk about. Just felt shameful when I told my friends. I don't know if what happened has anything to do with how I feel mentally, or if it messed me up in some kind of way. It just seems so small, compared to what a lot of other kids have gone through...


	3. Thinking too loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venting :/

I can hardly sleep anymore. I don't have insomnia as far as I know, I just can't seem to get proper sleep. Instead I'm almost always just stuck with anxious thoughts in my head and worries. At night I just start thinking about something small and then I can't stop thinking at all. I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. My head just starts spinning and I can hear my own thoughts. 

On some rare occasions there's some way for me to calm down. Someone who is online who will listen but it's getting harder for me to reach out to people. I feel as if though I make them uncomfortable, that I bother them. It feels shameful to be so weak in front of them. Even if they can't see or hear me it's like I can feel them watching me unfold. But, sometimes it's also peaceful. Sometimes I feel like they hear me. The comfort is like a warm hug. 

But it's so hard for me to read people through text. It's so much more difficult for me to understand them. I can't tell if I'm being a bother or not and I think about it all the time. It makes me push them away because while they tell me they're always there for me if I need to vent, I'm afraid of just, depending on them, so much so that they'll want to push me away. So I push myself away from them first. I distance myself. Keep more things to myself. 

It hurts. But not as much as it would if they had to push me away. It's what I feel like I have to do. And what I almost always end up doing. I'm too afraid. Always. Having a chance to be open here is some small comfort. It helps me release a lot of things buried in my head. Even if nobody reads about this it feels somewhat good to get it out at least. Makes me feel brave when I'm weak. For now that's all I can ask for. Goodnight.


End file.
